Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Impian setinggi gunung

Bila kita sukakan dan gila bayang pada seseorang yang hebat serba serbi, terasa rendah diri betul. Setiap masa di depan cermin, muka di belek-belek. Dan tersedar diri muka tak cung, hidung tak mancung, pipi tersorong-sorong....


Bila kita impikan seseorang yang hebat, lebih hebat dari diri kita, bagaikan sesuatu yang tersangat mustahil untuk kita mendapatkannya....


betullah, impian setinggi gunung. akhirnya bila jatuh, hati pasti tercedera tapi tak boleh salahkan sesiapa sebab sendiri yang memasang impian, dan sendiri juga tak mengukur baju di badan sendiri.


semoga Allah membuka mata kepada aku yang selalu berimpian setinggi gunung.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

MC for today

             " I have sore eyes and got 5 days mc " *wink wink ........puhlesss, this is not cute at all !!!


For the first time dalam setahun lebih bekerja ini aku mengambil MC....seriously, its rare. Sejak sebulan ini aku asyik sakit kepala yang sangat dasyat, sakit yang tidak pernah surut-surut walaupun sudah menelan panadol dan boom, tido. esok bila bangun tido sakit masih disitu dan tak pergi kemana-mana pun. Dalam fikiran bermacam-macam teori, mula-mula anggap sakit biasa, lepas tu fikir pasal migrain dan lepas tu makin dasyat I think there have something yang hidup inside my head and worst is I think it might be ..... won' t say ( write) here , takut menjadi doa . 

Jadi, untuk tidak mengeruhkan lagi keadaan I go to see doctor today. Niat asal memang nak pergi semasa lunch, tapi sebabkan sakit yang kuat jadi aku decide untuk pergi before masuk kerja which is aku pergi pagi-pagi morning. Walapun pagi tapi disebabkan aku sesat ( memalukan sungguh bila sesat jalan Bangi) jadi dah ambil masa yang lama, ditambah dengan kena menunggu hampir 1 jam lebih sebab ramai sangat orang jadi dah sampai tengahari. Nak menyesal pun tiada guna menunggu sebab dah sampai pun kat situ. Inilah juga kali pertama aku berjumpa doktor seorang diri without mak menemani atau ahli keluarga dan rakan yang lain, its rare too.Tapi in my head, i keep thinking that  I'm big girls now so that I don't have to worry being alone to see doctor rite? sedapkan hati sendiri walaupun sebenarnya aku sangat teringatkan mak. Aku tak suka berjumpa doktor seorang diri sebab aku berat mulut nak bercakap, malu actually. Selalunya mak jadi jurucakap rasmi aku bila berdepan dengan doktor and aku cuma akan angguk-angguk when doctor ask me anything about apa yang mak told him/her. Sekarang dah 27 tahun aku tak boleh harapkan sesiapa lagi , I only can rely on my self, without any complain!!! 

Sampai giliran, aku masuk jumpa doktor, seorang lelaki. Sebenarnya dari awal lagi aku dah lemah hati bila terdengar pekerja klinik beritahu doktor perempuan tiada, yang ada doktor lelaki. Well its burden me lots sebab aku segan giler......Dah masuk dalam bilik doktor aku rasa okay pulak. Dia sangat baik dan peramah. Doktor tu beritahu yang aku ada simptom migrain dan dia nasihatkan juga suruh aku tambah power cermin mata dan perlu pakai cermin mata sepanjang masa kecuali tido dan mandi lah kan. Dia cakap mungkin itu akan membantu untuk aku kembali sembuh dan kalau tak jugak boleh buat rawatan susulan. 

And...aku dapat MC for today. Kepala sangat pening dan aku tak rasa aku mampu pergi kerja dan buat kerja dengan baik. Jadi aku terpaksa MC. 

Balik rumah makan nasi dengan cepat, makan ubat dan terus pengsan. Macam biasa bangun tido sakit kepala masih disitu, cuma ada berubah sikit.Harap-harap esok semakin okay. Insyaallah 

Diary : Boundry

I don't know how to describe but I can see boundry between us. We now stranger turn to friend turn to stranger back. Sometimes I wondering if " out spoken" & rude is middle name of her.

                               

                                       F.A.A
                                       19/3/2013


p/s : I write down this entry when I was sooo emotional, but now when I okay I think there is no issue between me and her. we okay, just okay :)

Diary : about me

One things people should know about me; they can count on me, they can lend my ears and shoulder anytime BUT only for those who appreciate me, talk and act nice with me


                                                                                             F.A.A
                                                        * no exact time and date, randomly write down

Diary: Rainbow after rain

No matter what I know Allah will help me. Insyaallah, I will facing all problems & obstacles in life with patience. I believe after heavy rains the rainbow will be there.


                                                                                                              F.A.A
                                                                                                             12/03/2013

Diary: intro

I'm back after keep silent for few weeks...I still writing but only in my diary. Actually is quite sceptical when I write down word " Diary" . Many thought when we told about diary they will imagine "jiwang" or broken heart love story and its completely not significant with my attitude yang keras dan not loving jiwangs ni. Well it kind sort of that things but not too obviously, it more story about my feelings. :)



* the diary is actually a gift book from Libresse, when we buy combo pack we will get one cute note book for women, inspired for women included in that pack. I used the book for diary but it also usable for my work note book, real note. heee

tadaaa, this is my diary cum note book from Libresse

Monday, February 4, 2013

Mr.H : Part 1 & ending

If only he knows my feeling, I don't think it will be different because he's already know!

Betul-betul tak ada kerja kan bila asyik update about Mr. H. When I mentioned about him here, I don't think that I still have feelings towards him, I just remember him. That's all. 

End of December 2011, for the first time we smiled to each others but as I remembered he start first because for my self I am not easily keep smiling towards stranger! 

Then, we start to become a friend even though this is not real "friendship" because we just say hi once a month even we are only next door! But its good enough because I already know he's full name, age, even I then know that he is my senior at university time. What make me surprise is he only 26 just like mine! But his appearance just like end of 20's or middle 35's. If I can assumed he's older than me must be others thought that I'm someone else wife or mom for 2 kids maybe. Huh

What happened rest I didn't know how to describe because its full of memories for me and full of anger and frustrated. So I think I'll ended here. Maybe if I have any idea to write down here, I'll keep update about it. 

What I wanna say is, I finally met someone who I can considered as my love at first sight , someone that makes my heart beat so fast, someone who makes I love to go work everyday and will regret if I take leave on working days, someone that I dream at night.He was simple man with simple appearance. His smile makes me happy all day long. He don't talk much but when we chit chat I can't stop from look at him. I like the way he talk to me, polite and so gentleman. Unfortunately , he is someone fiancee on that moment, but now he's already someone else husband or maybe father -to be and no longer here. But the things I realized, I know even though he's no one else belongings he never choose me. I already know. No one choose either him nor others. Sometimes I wondering, who's my colleague he wanna try so that he choose to close to me so that he can reach to her? 

Now, its been almost a year I didn't see him anymore after he decide to move out somewhere. I heard he get married and now live at ....I don't think I need to mention the details rite? He's no more contact me after I give him "love letter" . Haha. Actually love email maybe. Whatever. I never regret to know him because he's the only one who noticed my existence. He choose to know me because he know I'm exist. I don't care if his intention to get my friend or whatsoever , I really don't care.

I should stop here before I more merepek-repek. Mr. H , wherever your are now, I hope U been bless, live happily with ur family and I'm sorry if I can't stop remembered u, not because I have any feelings towards u, but as I mentioned above, I really appreciate what u've done to befriends with me. Sometimes, when I stand in front of my works place, I imagine that he will be there, walking to his green old car and smile to me. :D