Mr.H : Part 1 & ending

If only he knows my feeling, I don't think it will be different because he's already know!

Betul-betul tak ada kerja kan bila asyik update about Mr. H. When I mentioned about him here, I don't think that I still have feelings towards him, I just remember him. That's all. 

End of December 2011, for the first time we smiled to each others but as I remembered he start first because for my self I am not easily keep smiling towards stranger! 

Then, we start to become a friend even though this is not real "friendship" because we just say hi once a month even we are only next door! But its good enough because I already know he's full name, age, even I then know that he is my senior at university time. What make me surprise is he only 26 just like mine! But his appearance just like end of 20's or middle 35's. If I can assumed he's older than me must be others thought that I'm someone else wife or mom for 2 kids maybe. Huh

What happened rest I didn't know how to describe because its full of memories for me and full of anger and frustrated. So I think I'll ended here. Maybe if I have any idea to write down here, I'll keep update about it. 

What I wanna say is, I finally met someone who I can considered as my love at first sight , someone that makes my heart beat so fast, someone who makes I love to go work everyday and will regret if I take leave on working days, someone that I dream at night.He was simple man with simple appearance. His smile makes me happy all day long. He don't talk much but when we chit chat I can't stop from look at him. I like the way he talk to me, polite and so gentleman. Unfortunately , he is someone fiancee on that moment, but now he's already someone else husband or maybe father -to be and no longer here. But the things I realized, I know even though he's no one else belongings he never choose me. I already know. No one choose either him nor others. Sometimes I wondering, who's my colleague he wanna try so that he choose to close to me so that he can reach to her? 

Now, its been almost a year I didn't see him anymore after he decide to move out somewhere. I heard he get married and now live at ....I don't think I need to mention the details rite? He's no more contact me after I give him "love letter" . Haha. Actually love email maybe. Whatever. I never regret to know him because he's the only one who noticed my existence. He choose to know me because he know I'm exist. I don't care if his intention to get my friend or whatsoever , I really don't care.

I should stop here before I more merepek-repek. Mr. H , wherever your are now, I hope U been bless, live happily with ur family and I'm sorry if I can't stop remembered u, not because I have any feelings towards u, but as I mentioned above, I really appreciate what u've done to befriends with me. Sometimes, when I stand in front of my works place, I imagine that he will be there, walking to his green old car and smile to me. :D

rutin harian yang sama dan membosankan

my life, my routine is equal because is same!!! so boring...

Pagi-pagi morning of coslah kena bangun awal sebab solat Subuh. Sejak dah makin tua dan dah belajar banyak benda ni aku sangat -sangat ingatkan diri aku supaya menjaga solat especially solat Subuh yang mana aku tau ramai dari kita ni selalu sangat termiss solat Subuh....Lepas selesai solat macam biasa aku baring-baring sekejap. Kadang terlelap terus sampai jam 8. Kalau aku tertido lepas Subuh selalunya aku akan terjaga jam 8 sebab masa tu adik aku sibuk-sibuk bersiap nak pergi tempat kerja dia. Kalau mood aku baik sikit hari tu aku bangun awal dan sembang-sembang sikit dengan dia, tapi selalunya sembang sikit tu selalunya berakhir dengan pergaduhan kecil. Well, itu pun salah satu rutin harian aku jugak. Bila adik aku dah keluar dari bilik barulah aku terhegeh-hegeh nak cari baju nak pakai pergi kerja. Selalunya aku akan pakai baju kurung je dan jubah pula aku pakai setiap Jumaat. Actually aku lebih senang pakai baju one pieces like jubah sebab senang nak basuh, nak iron dan nak jemur baju.Kalau baju kurung kan ada 2 pieces baju dan kain. Tapi memandangkan jubah yang aku ada pun cuma 3 helai, actually sehelai je sebab 2 lagi tu jubah adik dan mak aku, maka aku pakai setiap jumaat sajalah. Pakai hari -hari nanti orang perasan sangat yang aku asyik pakai baju yang sama.

Selalu aku keluar rumah jam 8.45 am. Sampai tempat kerja kadang jam 9.00 am tepat, kadang terlajak beberapa minit dari jam 9.00 am. Dulu zaman aku jadi supir adik aku, aku sampai tempat kerja jam 8.40 a.m. Antara yang terawal sampai ke tempat kerja sebab adik aku kena masuk ofis jam 8.30 pagi. Tapi sejak dia dah pandai berdikari ni aku lebih senang berlambat-lambat ke tempat kerja. Bukan sebab aku memang jenis orang yang tak punctual tapi sebab aku nak merasa macam mana perasaan datang lambat pergi kerja sama macam orang lain pernah buat. Sebenarnya kadang-kadang seronok, kadang-kadang tak seronok. Seronok sebab tak perlu bergegas-gegas tapi tak seronok bila keluar dari kereta dan nak masuk tempat kerja  kantoi pulak dengan bos yang sama-sama baru datang. Kalau masa tu baru jam 8.59 am boleh lagi lah nak senyum-senyum, tapi kalau dah 9.10 am? 

Jam 9.30 am baru aku betul-betul start buat kerja. Selalunya sebelum tu aku cuma cek email dan balas apa yang patut. Tengok jadual kot-kot nak kena jumpa orang ke atau nak kena pergi mana-mana ke. Lepas tu aku akan bersarapan. Tapi tengok keadaanlah kalau dah tak sempat beli sarapan aku akan terus buat kerja sampai lah waktu lunch hour....

Jam 6.00 pm aku dah siap berkemas-kemas kalau masa ni tak ada banyak sangat kerja atau kerja yang aku rasa boleh sambung esok hari nya. Kalau masa tu ada bos kat ofis selalunya aku akan berkemas lewat sikit dalam jam 6.15 pm. Jam 6.30 pm aku akan cepat-cepat keluar dari tempat kerja dan of cos lah terus balik rumah. Dulu ada jugak kawan-kawan ajak lepak minum-minum lepas balik kerja tak pun lepak pasar malam, tapi aku selalu menolak dengan baik. Entahlah kenapa aku jenis orang yang nak cepat sampai rumah. Mungkin sebab umur pun dah makin lanjut ni jadi aku rasa cepat penat dan tak sesuai nak berlepak-lepak ni. Sekarang dah tak ada sapa kawan aku yang nak ajak aku lepak lepas balik kerja. Lagipun aku dah pernah cakap pada dorang yang rumah aku jauh dari dorang ( aku duduk kajang, kerja kat bangi) jadi aku sangat takut kalau balik malam-malam sorang-sorang. Dulu masa zaman muda belia dulu rajin jugak aku ajak member baik lepak-lepak minum kat restoran sebelah sambil sembang-sembang hal keduniaan. Tapi sejak aku dah tak rapat dengan member tu plus aku dah boikot restoran sebelah tu jadi rutin harian aku selesai kerja terus lah balik rumah. ( apasal aku cakap pusing-pusing ni)

Jam 10.30 pm keatas selalunya aku dah start mengantuk. Sebelum tu aku akan sembang-sembang dengan adik aku yang pastinya sembang-sembang tu akan bertukar menjadi pergaduhan kecil, kadang-kadang pergaduhan besar. Dah puas bertekak aku akan merajuk dan terus tidur. Ini selalunya berlaku hampir setiap hari dalam seminggu. Well, dah nama pun rutin kan, mesti lah berulang-ulang. Esoknya aku bangun tidur dan ulang semula rutin aku seperti yang diatas.....

Agak-agak kat part mana rutin harian aku ni menyeronokkan ye? 

chike

Dari pagi sampai petang aku pening-pening. Aku menapak dalam hujan renyai-renyai ke farmasi berdekatan dan beli koyok. Aku balik tempat kerja aku gunting koyok tu jadi dua aku tampal dekat tepi dahi kiri kanan. tapi tak berubah jadi baik pun.

Aku pening sebab chike durian crepe!



* kalau awak orang pahang awak tau chike tu apa.

Mr. H : Intro

 I am not thought about him, I am not remembered him at all...okay, I lied.

Mr. H , don't worry he's not an old man, he is same age as me. I prefer to called him here as Mr. H because I really worry if I reveal his real name, he will sue me because publish about him without permission. Haha. funny thought, please ignore me.

Back to story, who is he? Even though I know there is no one have any inquiry to know him more, but I will tell it. He was my neighbor , actually he is boy next door. He's office just one space before mine. When u stand in front of my works place, u just need to "turn" left. But u can meet him only if u turn left a years back. He is no longer here, but don't worry he still alive but move out some where.

I 've met him about a years back, month 10 , 2011. Masa tu aku baru masuk kerja. Masih tak kenal orang dan tak peduli pun hal sekeliling. After a few weeks working there, my boss told me that she asked me to sweep in front of the boutique everyday and every morning. Well, its so burden me , malu kot, but I still do that task without any complain. A first week, tak ada apa pun yang berlaku. Aku menyapu lantai macam biasa. But within that time I always saw a man , I guess late 20's or early 30's with  a back pack press some code at access point at his office and he always look at me before he step in his office. Seriuslah, ini bukan rekaan. I can saw him looking me. Bukan nak perasan tapi aku rasa something dalam hati masa tu but I ignore. He's stranger, totally stranger. Maybe dia rasa hairan tengok gadis manis menyapu sampah depan butik. Haha , yang ini aku betul-betul perasan ( not noticed).

Sesi pandang memandang tu berlanjutan sampai bulan 12 kot. Aku still didn't know who is he and he seem not interested to be friend with me because he just look at me without smile or at least say hi....but in december 2011, something happened and the story begin......

* I am not remembered him for nothing, I've remember him because he's only one who notice my exist *  at least he used to make me exist.

perut masuk angin

iye, memang bodoh kalau perut masuk angin pun nak tulis dalam blog. tapi betul, perut aku senak sangat sekarang walaupun aku masih mampu menaip blog dengan laju dan lancar. ala, sama macam bila kita berfacebook. tulis status " i demam panas, i olss tak larat sangat nak kerja" tapi masih segar nak berfacebook.kira samalah kan?. okay, back to topic, perut aku senak sebab aku tak makan nasi malam ni. cubaan berdiet kali ke 987 kali. serius, the figure is fact. tapi tak pernah berhasil. aku masih macam 6 tahun lepas, masih. atau mungkin bertambah size sedikit dari dulu.

aku tak ada idea nak sambung bab ni. lagipun less is more kan. ringkas dan padat

Friends

I didn't know what the best criteria to make someone I can called as Friend not foe.

A good friend never lied even for good reason. They will telling truth. A good friend never stab back. Never! .A good friend never raise up their voice for any reason. A good friend always support u, even they know that they can't do anything to change our fate or our life. A good friend never forget you even we never meet each others over years. A good friend always give their time whenever they know that we've in tough time, they will never leave when u sad, they will never forget u when they happy.

I ask my self....sometimes I always not being a good friend so that I  don't have any right to complain when I don't have that one.

instinct

I've lovely aunty that I called Makndak..she's my sister of my Mom. I saw her name at my wassap contact list but I never text her anything, just because I'm shy and I dunno how to start conversation. But this nite, its so sudden I text to her. Actually I really want text her for no reason. She call me then, what surprise me, she told me that she had thought about me recently.

Last two days I've dream about my ex- boyfriend. His name Mizie. I know him when I was 19 years and we broke up when I 19 years too. Its short term relationship, don't ask me why. Its been almost 9 years since we never contact each other. I dunno what happened to him, married, divorce, father to be even no longer exist in this world, I dunno. All this while, I never dream about him, and I don't have any intention to dream or meet him again. But when I really dream about him even though  I do not think at all about him. The dream makes me think about him day long. Then I've make speculation. Whether he thought about me or he wanna give me sign to find him back? Haha....I hope not.

reason for writing

When I decided to start to write blog again, I've think " what I wanna share? My life? My opinion? or wat? There is no particular reason for that, I just wanna write. I'm bored. Enough said huh.

anjing yang harmoni

setiap petang jam 6.30 aku akan lalu satu jalan nak balik rumah. jalan reko. setiap petang juga kat jalan reko tu mesti aku akan nampak sekumpulan anjing, mungkin bersaudara atau berkawan-kawan bergolek-golek tepi jalan ( ada kawasan lapang) riang gembira bergurau semasa sendiri.....aku selalu senyum setiap kali aku nampak sekumpulan anjing tu.

anjing pun tahu hidup harmoni dan berkawan dengan baik.

satu petang tu sekumpulan anjing tu dah tak ada, yang ada cuma seekor jek. anjing sekor tu duduk termenung. aku tak tahu yang lain kemana...tak sempat nak siasat

intro

aku bosan. aku ingat aku ada idea nak menulis, tapi tak ada. kepala kosong, yang penuh cuma stress, stress dan stress. terima kasih






 * tunggulah 5 minit lagi kalau aku ada idea